What is
sexual assault
really?
Sexual assault is any sexual act or contact that happens without your consent — through force, threats, pressure, manipulation, or when you were unable to consent (for example, if you were asleep, intoxicated, or otherwise incapacitated). It includes a wide range of unwanted sexual contact, and it can be committed by a stranger, but most often by someone the survivor knows — a date, partner, friend, acquaintance, or family member.
If you’re trying to figure out whether what happened to you “counts,” please know that doubt is extremely common, and it doesn’t change the reality. Consent has to be freely and clearly given; the absence of a “no,” or freezing, or having previously said yes to something else, is not consent. If a sexual act was done to you that you did not freely agree to, that was assault — and it was not your fault, no matter the circumstances.
What you might be feeling after a sexual assault
There is no “right” way to feel after sexual assault, and survivors experience a wide range of reactions — sometimes contradictory ones, all at once. You might feel:
Shock, numbness, or feeling strangely detached or “fine”
Shame, guilt, or self-blame — none of which you deserve
Fear, anxiety, hypervigilance, or trouble feeling safe
Anger, sadness, confusion, or a sense of unreality
Questioning yourself, your memory, or whether it “counts”
Wanting to tell someone, and being terrified to
You don't need to check every box. Even a few of these, especially if they've stuck around for a while, are worth paying attention to.
What can you do now?
If this just happened, please know your safety and wellbeing come first. There are some things that may help, and you get to decide what’s right for you — there’s no pressure here:
Get somewhere safe, and reach out to someone you trust if you can
If you’re injured or in immediate danger, please contact emergency services
Consider contacting a Hope Coach or a sexual assault hotline — they can walk you through options confidentially
You have the right to seek medical care; preserving evidence is an option if you might ever report, but the choice is entirely yours
Be gentle with yourself — you don’t have to make every decision right now
Talk to someone who can support you emotionally, like a counselor or Hope Coach
(In the U.S., the National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673.) Whatever you choose to do or not do, your healing matters, and support is available.
Want to talk it through?
A Hope Coach is here right now - free, 24/7, no judgment
You're not alone in this
Please hear this as clearly as possible: what happened was not your fault, full stop — not because of what you wore, drank, said, or did, and not because you knew the person or couldn’t fight back. The responsibility lies entirely with the person who assaulted you. You deserve care, safety, and support, and you do not have to walk through this alone. A Hope Coach is here to listen, gently and without judgment.
And in the rawness of this, here is something tender to hold: God sees you, grieves with you, and does not look at you as damaged or any less precious. He is so attentive to your pain that Scripture says he keeps track of every tear — “record my misery; list my tears on your scroll” (Psalm 56:8). Nothing that was done to you has lessened your worth or your belovedness. He is close to you in this, fiercely on your side, and longing for your healing. For many survivors, knowing they are seen, held, and not to blame — by God and in truth — has been part of finding their way back to wholeness. You’re welcome to lean on that, and on us.
You are not alone, and this was not your fault. Please reach out — we’re here for you, whenever you’re ready.
